THE BADGER DREAM LOG ORIGINAL

January 13, 2009

Mid dream awareness

sifting through a trunk looking for new earrings, 

most were of broken hearts. 

I thought they were too dramatic. 

I sprayed my self with some aroma therapy mist, 

It was orange and pink in appearance.  

I found a badger jacket. 

I put it on and went about my way 

out on a journey

Walking towards water 

the rest is hazy 

and I was sad.

Badger Animal Medicine. “enough is, enough, I am taking charge”

Laundry by Candelight

I didn't see it coming

The cave under the bridge just on the edge of town,

A diner light with neon yellow lights.

Filled with the smells of various forms of fear,

It's not where I intended to end up.

A chasm, the fissure is clear!

What it means for the future is uncertain.

Regardless of the forlorn reality,

The diner and it's forgotten dream.

It still felt like home that night.

Something about the land was strangely familiar,

There were good things in the air too,

I went outside, plugged my nose and breathed them in.

I was told not to worry, there is a standing reserve.

Freedom Today

What is freedom to me:

thinking back to,

A man in a cave

100,000 years ago

felt truly free when was he was without of fear.

This is me today ,

This is financial security:

A roof over my head.

Food, clean water and heathcare

This world wants

Is consciously trying to offer

The security of corporate America

This walls are starting to fall away

All structures straining under their pressure!

No real stability has it anymore, to offer.

It’s an offer of struggle

Struggle long enough, hard enough and,

You’ll make it.

You’ll be safe.

You’’ll be warm.

You will be well fed, clean and hydrated.

Everyone will.

Upward Levelling

If only you could make it.

The embodied finite: the here and now

Is what we in now,
Is it what matters now?
The matter we are now in
It's correspondence to eternity
Is the question now.
To question now,
The possibility,
Each moment a trial?
Each raised conclusion, raised on one's own,
Is up for debate, within.
There is no solidity even in solidarity,
The entropy has ensued.
We resign our selves to hope,
We believe and trust in emergent truth
Emergent order will emerge and will endure?
Assuming one believes in emergent order?
And assuming one believes in infinity?
Assuming one believes in truth?
Leaving us to question and find the answers
To answer for ourselves, to ourselves
What is truth.

It hasn't even been a week

I am studying science

Studying the essence of structures

One probably shouldn't use words 

If one is unclear of their meaning

Clarifying for the sake of clarifying

structures of natural formations

the line is getting fuzzier now

This began as an in depth search

A study of geometry 

of the secular and the spiritual

Inspired by the way things are tied together

A search for the Metapattern

Setting up a place for connection

in a place that elsewhere would be illegal

The human body listens for the ocean

with a seashell to the ear

an exterior symmetry to the interior cochlea 

stay in that space that waves oscillate

One must find this empirical knowledge

It must be objective right?

right

Distill nature to it's essential structures

With infinite variation, within a finite set

What is left to be known?

Within the experiment

It's a matter of matter

Back to the bridge

picking up somewhere I left off
this time I am going to do things different
Simplify, Condense, Distill
I am going to glean my concepts
and only keep the best parts

I voice uttered across the room
seemingly directed at me-
"You are just tired of people"
"yes"- I replied but was not really aware of that truth,
I am tired of people,
but it's not as bad as it used to be.
Maybe I am just surrounded by better people now

Back to the doctor,
Doctor Kevorkian and Kurt Vonnegut
Hell is other people
What an unfortunate concept
Still right now
it's about the searching

Nature as expression!
Ok, I see what your saying
I will return too
Bridge end

But why not continue searching,
better to stay moving on this journey
I most definitely have a fear of stagnancy
of putrid still waters
teaming with foulness
better to keep moving

A journal of the journey
this is why I should approach each new piece
a new experience, a new emotion

February 11

Happy birthday mom
I had a dream she died last night
on her birthday
Today I am righting this
She is having a stress test done
To see if her heart is working right

I have mixed feelings on that matter
If her heart is working right
How does one know if their hear is working right
let alone that of another, of your mother?

It's fine really, let's keep things professional today

In my dream I recall her
frantically the way she tried to show her love
to others, to our family

I just called her to wish her a happy birthday
She told me a story
about a Valentine's game
that the kids at the preschool played today
She calls out.
"Cupid, Cupid, who has your heart?!"

I think I am dying
caused by years of random ailments
all teaming together to suddenly bring about my demise

I suddenly notice my extremely sore back
this isn't helping
I try to be grateful that I am not 93, yet.
Be that the case and I would certainly have a broken hip.

You are determining your course
showing me the same place
but it is not as beautiful as before
I have seen better representations of the same place
better than what you tried to show me
I am left to make my own decision

I met him as I was closing an article I was reading about him
He wasn't impressed